Someone shit on the floor
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
