I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize