Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
