Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
