Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
