Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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