There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
