btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
