I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And then he peed in my hair
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