Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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