we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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