just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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