So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
