Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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