Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
