i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
