im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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