I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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