Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
