Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ketchup is God's man juice
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize