ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
