Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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