I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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