I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
