fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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