I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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