I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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