you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
