I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
