benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Did I show you my penis last night?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
