My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
