We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
