So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
