im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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