I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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