So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
