you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
