I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
a search helicopter?!
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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