It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
