dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
