He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
