I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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