If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
