Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
