I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
