Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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