My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
