are you still at the devil's house?
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
