Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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