My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize