My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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