Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
