Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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