i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize