Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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