I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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