What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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