I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
