dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
