We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
