plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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