i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Houston, we have a squirter
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
