Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
